“We get what we deserve,” the beginning line of one of my favorite songs. It’s about the only song I’ve listened to, over and over, since my arrest almost a year ago. It was one of my last online posts before turning myself in and being kept offline by a release condition for months. This song played in my head when they put me in the holding cells, over and over. Certain I was going to be in the cells until at least the next morning, this song kept me calm. It kept me grounded. Most importantly, it kept me quiet. I was released that day, but not before a two-hour interrogation. I remember tuning out Detective/Constable Rodcocker’s demeaning questions, when he explained what he would do to me if I was his wife.
“We get what we deserve.” I just kept singing to myself, over and over.
My commute to work takes about 45 minutes. I put this song on my car stereo for the entire drive. Every time it ends, I hit repeat and turn it up just a little bit louder. By the time I get to work, it’s as loud as it will go. Same for the commute home and any drive that will take over 3 minutes.
When I am waiting at the court house for my matter to come up, I hear this same song. It mesmerizes me. It makes me think of the series of events that led to my current circumstances. I reflect on the good, the bad and what the public doesn’t know yet. The song has a power over me, to reframe just about anything because we really do “get what we deserve.”
Justice is getting what we deserve. We all get justice, though it may not always be in the form of the judicial process. I’ve come to learn that those who engage in negative behaviour, live in a negative world. When your internal dialogue keeps telling you bad things, you are going to have a bad outlook on life. I’ve also come to learn that we can control that inner voice. We can tell ourselves good things and from that, we can feel good. Something as simple as a favorite tune can change your entire perspective.
We get what we deserve because we do it to ourselves. We all get justice because justice is about what is real. It’s not about punishing the guilty. It’s about revealing the truth and repairing the harm that comes from lying to ourselves and others. Justice is the truth and in the end, it always comes out. We do get what we deserve, inclusively.
Kelley Denham
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