The Crime Hump Chronicles: Part Sixteen

The Crime Hump Chronicles: Part Sixteen
Posted on October 17, 2017 | Kelley Denham | Written on October 16, 2017
Letter type:
Blog Post



Author's Note:

Author's Note:

This is part sixteen of The Crime Hump Chronicles, the creative non-fiction narrative of quantum events. More info, including a list of my charges can be found here,

I have court today. It is the third year in a row I have had court in October. I’ve learned how to get out of there by lunch time now. To get a parking spot, I show up an hour early. I light a cigarette and by the time I’m done, the lot is full. I’m in no rush to go in. I know the court room doors won’t unlock until 9:30 and there will be no where to sit until then. I go in at 9:00am. People are squished together, sitting on the stairs and in various other creative spots. Everyone is either waiting for their lawyer or waiting to speak to duty counsel. I squeeze by all the people and position myself right in front of the court room door. I will be the first one in when it unlocks. I need to speak to the Crown and will be the first to do so. I need to give him the instructions that my lawyer gave me. This will be my best chance of getting out of there by noon.

Someone smells bad and my toes are stepped on twice. An old friend notices me and asks why I am there. I chuckle and respond by asking him why he is there. Everyone in that small space is listening to us and watching. I sheepishly say that I’m accused of being a hacker. Someone says I must be Russian and everyone laughs. I feel a lot more welcome here than I do in other social situations. It’s eerily comforting being here right now, aside from the mental anguish associated with being accused of crimes that could land me in jail for ten years. I don’t quite understand why I feel so relaxed.

The door finally unlocks and I am the first one in. I see the Crown and go directly to him, before any lawyers get a chance and I have to wait. I give him my lawyers instructions and he agrees with them. Neither of us have the notes yet but they are supposed to be ready sometime this week. My trial was adjourned because of these notes, a week before it was going to start. We are adjourning to give both parties time to review these much-anticipated notes. I sit directly behind the Crown and wait. I hear the Crown tell another lawyer that he is going to speak to an adjournment first.

“All rise. Court is now in session.”

The Crown brings my matter up first. The Judge wants to keep my matter in his court and is unavailable on the day my lawyer gave me and so it is adjourned to a different day. This is okay as the next court date will be to set a date for a judicial pre-trial. I can do this on behalf of my lawyer and bring a list of his available days. My matter is adjourned to Oct. 30th, 2017. Now it’s 9:38am and I am done with court for the day.

Kelley Denham

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Irony, satire and farce - these are a few of my favorite things.